


Uncriminal Minds

by Megaflash



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-15 01:58:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megaflash/pseuds/Megaflash
Summary: Agent Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid encounter some magical criminal masterminds





	1. Raising the Bar

Special Agent Derek Morgan strode forward, gun drawn. Doctor Spencer Reid followed behind him. They cleared several rooms, their confusion mounting. Each area they cleared had an unconscious body or two.

“So far, no deaths,” Reid said, checking an armed body that lay in the hallway. In front of them was a closed door. “Some discoloration on the walls, though.”

Morgan leaned against the doorway and put a finger to his lips. Reid readied himself on the other side, raising his pistol. Two muffled voices were speaking in the final room.

Reid nodded and opened the door. Morgan burst in, yelling, “FBI!”

Reid noted the sharp tang of gunpowder and bullet holes in the walls as he came in behind Morgan. He also saw the slow breathing of the bodies on the floor and the lack of blood splatters.

“What the hell,” said Morgan.

Stuck to the ceiling were two oddly dressed men. A short, dark-haired, bespectacled individual was arguing with a man whose hair concealed most of his face.

“—finition of freak accident,” the man with glasses was saying. The long-haired man was laughing when Derek and Spencer had entered. Both ceiling enthusiasts stopped and stared at the FBI agents.

“Are those… robes?” Spencer asked, looking between the two men.

The man with glasses chuckled, and his friend said, “Well, yes. They are robes.”

“Who are you?” asked Morgan, after checking the rest of the room.

“If I told you, I would have to kill you,” said the long-haired man.

Morgan raised his pistol, but the other man said, “Sirius, I told you not to threaten people with movie quotes.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Come on, Harry, he handed me that one.”

Harry shook his head. “Still, threatening the local law enforcement is a bad idea.”

“Never stopped me before,” retorted Sirius.

“Excuse me,” Spencer said, “how are you staying up there?”

Harry and Sirius exchanged looks. Their bodies were rigid against the ceiling, only allowing them to move their heads.

“Don’t—”

“Magic.”

“Damnit, Sirius.”

Morgan looked over the room again and pulled out his cell phone.

“Magic?” said Spencer.

“No,” said Harry.

“Yes,” said Sirius.

“Come on, Sirius, work with me.”

“No, this is your fault.”

“It’s both our fault, at the very least. It was a first-year mistake.”

“You really expect me to believe,” interrupted Spencer, “that you magicked yourself into ceiling fixtures?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I said work with me, Sirius.”

“Why?”

“Because we need their help to get down.”

“Again, why? Just cancel the spell.”

“Sirius, non-verbal doesn’t mean Wandless.”

“Oh.”

Morgan ignored the byplay, turning away while waiting for his call to connect.

“Office of Supreme Intelligence,” said the voice from his phone.

“Garcia, your work paid off,” Derek replied, “but there is a bit of a situation.”

“Were you too late?” asked Penelope Garcia.

“No, we arrived at the militia compound and everyone has been knocked out. Everyone except two men in robes on the ceiling.”

“I’m… Sorry, did you say on the ceiling?”

“Yes, in robes.”

The phone line was quiet for a few moments.

“But I was correct in my pattern, right?”

“Yeah Garcia, armed militia in a location not hooked up to any pipe network. I will call back when I have more.”

/\/\/\/\

“Where are the explosives?” asked Derek, turning to face the rest of the room.

“What explosives?” said Sirius.

“Sirius,” said Harry, “I told you that cover story doesn’t work every time.”

“It worked with Pettigrew.”

“Yeah, but he was in the middle of the bloody street. Also, did you just use Wormtail in a positive manner?”

Sirius gagged. “You’re right, I take it back.”

Harry regarded Derek. “There are no explosives.”

“The last few places you fellows hit were blown up, and the occupants dumped at the local police station,” said Derek. “The explosions were attributed to gas line ruptures, except no gas pipes ran through those locations.”

Reid bent down and picked up two pieces of wood that lay in the middle of the room. They were both just over a foot long, and each had a handle.

“Careful with those, mate.”

Reid stood up and looked at Harry, “Are these supposed to be wands?”

“They _are_ wands,” said Harry, “and the only way we are getting down. So, hand them over.”

“Tell me the spell,” countered Reid.

Sirius snorted as Harry said, “It won’t work for you.”

“Because magic doesn’t exist?”

“Because you aren’t magical.”

“How do you know?”

Harry opened his mouth to retort, and then closed it. Sirius looked between Harry and Reid.

“ _Finite Incantatem_.”

Reid frowned, running through his knowledge of different languages.

“Incantation Limit?”

“That’s pretty close, but it has to be the Latin.”

Reid holstered his pistol and put a wand in each hand. Raising his right arm, he intoned, “ _Finite Incantatem!_ ”

A comforting warmth shot from Reid’s chest, through his arm, and out the wand in a blast of red light. Sirius yelped as he and Harry dropped from the ceiling. Harry landed on his hands and knees, while Sirius face planted.

“Reid, what was that?” asked Derek, covering Harry and Sirius with his gun.

Reid’s mind was running a thousand miles a minute; his body felt different, like he had just had a glass of cold water after trekking through a desert. He looked up from the wand in his hand. “I don’t know.”

“Stand up, slowly,” Derek directed at the two wizards. “We are taking you in for questioning.”

As Sirius rolled onto his back, Harry stood. “Of course. I have some questions as well.”


	2. Interrogation

Opening the door, a man strode inside the interrogation room. From his cuffed position at the table, Harry Potter, looked the newcomer up and down. Aaron Hotchner straightened his tie before sitting down and picking up one of the files in front of him. Inside was everything Garcia had been able to dig up on their "Wizards", as well as the situation reports. Having already reviewed it, he watched Harry out of the corner of his eye, waiting. Hotch didn't know what to make of his agent's accounts. Derek had been vague about the pair's apprehension of the current suspects, while Reid's recounting had been straightforward and strange.

"Dental records at six years old, home investigations at nine years old, and then you drop off the map," Hotch began, putting down the file he held. "You've done a very good job of removing your history."

Harry leaned back in the chair, tilting his head. "I'm impressed you managed to find anything."

"The FBI has many avenues of inquiry. Even across the pond."

Harry eyed the cuffs around his wrists, "And what did you discover?"

"You have deep pockets, a rough childhood, and a distrust of authority."

Harry snorted. "Who doesn't."

Hotch made note of Harry's nonchalance and continued, "What I want to know is what you were doing when we picked you and your partner up."

"Cleanup," said Harry. "We were tracking one of my sort through the ranks of the eco-terrorist group _Shine_."

"Your sort?"

"Yes, a wizard."

Hotch flipped through a different file and glanced over the situation report. "My agents encountered you at a _Shine_ base, stuck to the ceiling. How did that happen?"

Harry sighed, "That was a fluke. I cast a sticking charm the same time Sirius cast a banishing charm. We were aiming for a guy in between us, and the spells rebound off each other. We got stuck until your agents came along."

"Two wooden sticks were confiscated, along with some robes. Do you believe that you can cast magic?"

Harry chuckled, "Of course. Why else would I carry a wand around?"

"Who were you hunting down in _Shine_?" Hotch asked, switching tactics.

"Fellow by the name of Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. He fled to the colonies after his master was put down." Hotch frowned, but Harry waved off the unspoken question, "Long story, but the short of it is I kicked ass and took names."

A knock preceded the door opening. Derek Morgan stepped halfway into the room and said, "Someone here to see you, sir. They claim to be from the DMC."

Harry smiled, "Finally."

 

/\/\/\/\

 

Senior Agent David Rossi watched as Sirius Black picked his nose.

"You want any?" asked Sirius, extending a pinky towards Rossi.

Rossi shook his head at the offer. "What were you doing in Phoenix, Arizona?"

"Helping Harry."

"Helping him take down _Shine_?"

"Taking down _Shine_ is just the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We're after the financers." Sirius said, tilting his head backwards.

"Who is that?" Rossi asked, frowning.

"Some prick," Sirius said, staring at the ceiling. "with too much money and not enough sense to know when he is beaten."

"This prick have a name?"

"Draco 'My Hair is so Shiny' Malfoy."

Rossi's reply was interrupted by knocking at the door.

 

/\/\/\/\

 

Hotchner entered the conference room and nodded to Morgan. Reid was speaking to a blonde woman in a smart business suit. She noticed him and walked over.

"Director Aaron Hotchner?" She asked, offering her hand.

Hotch shook her hand and nodded, "Yes, who are you?"

"Elizabeth Lemon, with the Department of Mundane Cooperation. I hear you picked up some of my boys."

Hotch nodded, "Yes, we found them at a crime scene. I thought your department handled interpersonal cooperation among agencies."

Lemon nodded and sat at the table, gesturing for him to join her. "That is our primary mission. To encourage and facilitate cooperation between the Mundane and Magical worlds."

Hotch leaned back in the chair, glancing at Morgan and Reid. Morgan leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, and Reid was leaning forward in the chair next to him.

"Magic."

"Indeed, Director, and I am going to need my boys back."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have an idea of where I am going with this story.
> 
> Special thanks to 2D as my beta reader

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from FF.Net
> 
> Prompt originally received as part of the Houses Competition. I've decided to continue the story to see where it goes.


End file.
